I am literally in the fetal positive from laughing so hard!
And because I generally don't get embarrassed, I'm going to tell you about the one time I decided to make a distressed farmhouse Christmas signs to sail.
I know you won't belive it, but I totally free-handed this.
I painted it... distressed it...and was just about to add the burlap to hang it from, but it was missing something......
Eh.... nevermind. Looks good to me.
Farmhouse distressed Christmas sign for sale: $25
But... don't tell anyone who you bought it from.