That one time my kid embarrassed me: #837,322
"Kids are so funny," people use to tell me before I had kids.
But, are they? I thought.
They even told me I wouldn't remember my life before kids.
They told me that having kids would be the, "Best Thing Ever!"
Granted, this is all probably true, long-term.
But it is definitely not true at those 3am feedings... or when you wake up to urine soaked sheets.... or when your son decides to tell your whole office a very, VERY inappropriate joke that he picked up at the Mickey Gilley concert that his Dad took him to.
Nope... not so funny.
"Hey, you wanna hear a joke I heard at the Mickey Gilley concert?" CJ asked my office yesterday after school.
Everyone was all ears.
"There was this boy and he wanted to eat breakfast...." he started.
"And so his mom said go do your chores first then you can eat breakfast. So the little boy did. The little boy went to feed the cow and they cow's tail slapped him in the face so the boy got mad and kicked the cow. Next, the boy went to feed the chickens and he was still mad so he kicked the chickens. And then lastly, the boy went to feed the pigs and he was still mad, too, so he kicked the pig."
Innocent enough.. right?
"So then the boy came into the house and sat down for breakfast. He looked on the table and all he has was dry cereal. The boy said, Mom, why do I just have dry cereal? And his mom said, well, I saw what you did to the cow, so you dont get no milk. And I saw what you did to the chickens, so you dont get no eggs.... and I saw what you did to the pigs so you dont get no bacon."
At this point, I'm like, "get to the pooooooint!"
Oh, and then he does.....
And the joke continues... " So, then the little boys father came down the stairs and tripped and kicked the cat and the little boys says, hey mom, do you want me to tell him, or do you?"
At this point all I heard gasping, giggling, and I think someone almost fell out of her chair!
"What's so funny?" he asked,completely serious.
"I dont get what the big deal is..."
And believe me when I say, he did not get that joke, not even one bit!
At this point we explained to him that animal cruelty is nothing to joke around about.
I also informed him that if I ever hear him tell that joke again he is grounded for life!