Wednesday, July 27, 2016

I have a confession.

I am going to get really honest here, friends.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am a swear-a-holic.

I can't tell you when it all started, because I have no idea. But I'm an addict. I can't stop. I sound like a construction worker, except I don't say the "F" word. 
Well, rarely.

Okay, I say that word, too.

After a lot of thought, I have come up with a solution.

I need a "BLEEP" sound. 

Like the life alert button that old people wear around their neck. That's what I need. 
A bleeping bleep button to wear around my neck. 
Convenience is key, people.

I dont want to cover up my swearing, but use it in place of  my swearing. So next time I am frustrated, stump my toe, or drop a jar of baby food on  the tile floor and I say "$#**!", or the next time I decide to carry the stroller (with the baby strapped in) down a flight of stairs and accidently drop him and he tumbles all the way down the stairs, I need to be able to calmly collect myself and go: okay, hold on, calm down, Roxie...... "BLEEEEEEEEP".

And if I am super mad: " BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!"

Because you know, bleep happens.
Like when Josh punched me in the back of the head when he was sleeping and later swore it was because he was having a dream he was fighting my cousin. I could of used five or six bleeps. Or ten.
I really could have. True story.